~^~^~Wondering~^~^~

Most of the time you always wonder HOW and WHY! Why does this happen to me and how does this always happen to me? It's always always a horrible feeling...But you have to go on and live your life how it should be to your knowledge. You always wonder...Why did I fall inlove with this person and Why! Well, You know why in the beginning and then you get to know the person very well and it's like OMG, What happened here! Why did I fall inlove with him, Why did I want to be with him! Then you sit and think and think of a way to break it off but you just can't seem to say the words because you're so lost inlove that nothing really ever matters except to be with them! You sit and think to yourself I know this isn't going to work why am I still hanging on!?!?!? Why didn't I just take the hint 13 months before!?!?! And just end it there and go on with my life without hurting and killing myself with the sorrow and the pain that I feel every single day that has pain and the days that come? It's a horrible feeling! I hate it! Someone just wants to find that ONE guy that she can trust and have faith in. And him love her for who she is! She needs to find that one guy that loves her forever and that will do anything for her...And she do the same in return! Love is NOT all about sex! It's not all about just getting along. You have to trust and be faithful and balance everything in the relationship together! One person can't just do it alone! You have to work together and she found that out the hard way! It was just a HORRIBLE mistake that hopefully will NEVER happen again! You know you still have alot of feelings for the D.A. and you wish that you didn't that way you could really for sure move on with your life and love someone else and try to have something real that you know will work because BOTH of you want to work at the relationship. Love isn't the thing that hurts you the most! It's the person that you were with that treated you BADLY! And you want to just go beat the shit out of them but you know it won't do any good. Or make anything better....It might make you feel better for the moment but after everything is said and done, You always feel bad about it! Blah! I'm just SICK and TIRED of all the game playing! I want someone that IS GOING to mature enough to know what he really wants and doesn't lie about anything.....I mean if you just want sex, Hey, Just say I want sex, I don't want a relationship.....If you don't want just sex say sorry dude, I'm looking for a relationship, not just a FUCK buddy! And go your seperate way!

~*~Great Night~*~

So, I went an seen a friend that I haven't really spoken to seen I was like little bitty LOL.....I was a great night! We just sat around and talked and all that good stuff....He was drinking and just having a good time! He lives with another one of my past friends. Which I didn't know that until I pulled up in the driveway! Which is cool, Just wasnt expecting this guy! Yea, But it was all good! Not going to use the real names....So the guy that I was going to see I'll just call him Bo. And the other I'll call Jack. LOL.....Anywho, Bo is 10 yrs older than I am...I use to go to church with him and my mother use to work with his mother! How crazy?!?!? LOL. I've always always had a HUGE crush on him! And last night I finally had the nerve to go to his house and see him after several yrs. It was GREAT! I was a little nervous the whole night, If I had been drinking I would have probably felt alittle more comfy and lossened up more...I'm a very very SHY person! He knows that I am! But that still didn't really help anything lol.......I want to get to know him alil better because he's a really sweet person over all! I'd date him in a heartbeat. But I'd love to get to know him alil better......Oh and Jack lol......Boy do we have a past!!! CRAZINESS!!!!!!!! I was stuned when Bo told me that he was living with Jack at the current moment.....So, That was a little awkward should I say! I mean nothing to dramatic happened but still alittle messed up lol....But I like Jack he's a really cool person! And make you laugh let me tell ya! It was awesome! They both sat there and was telling some crazy ass stories. But I had the best time in a long time last night!