Love Life

So Here it is January 29 at 11;43 pm. I probably should be sleeping right now but since Christmas night my sleep has been messed up. I never go to bed till like 3 and 4 in the morning. I've lost the love of my life because his a butthead! I've waited for 22 yrs to be happy and I found that August of 07 and now here I am depressed and all. Can't sleep don't want to go anywhere or do anything at all anymore! I was really happy with this person and he admits to me that he is just using me for whatever he can get and that he doesn't love me or anything like that! It floored me when he told me all of that, after a year and some odd months. He was the perfect man until he admitted to everything. It broke my heart, I still cry to this day about it because I loved him so much and for some odd crazy reason I still love him even tho I've said some things to him that made him mad and he wont talk to me anymore! I guess all I can say is what goes around comes around! Right? I mean all I did was love him and care for him. I washed his clothes every single day, I had supper cooked everyday when he came home from work! I rubbed his back his legs and his feet every single night before he went to bed! He lied to me and told me he loved me! And my life hasn't been the same since! I don't know how to make it better. I'm in a depression mode and sometimes I don't even want to work on it and try to make it better because I'm afraid that another guy will come along and do the samething that he has done to me!
I love him so much. I know deep down that he loves me because when I seen him for a little while, he didn't want me to go. He kept hugging me and kissing me like he was losing me forever or something! I dont know what else to do. I don't want to wait because I don't want to miss out on anything else in my life! I'm ill all the time because I'm not with him anymore and it's sad because I have a family that loves me and a nephew that wants me to do things with him and I just don't feel like doing any of that because I want him back in my life! It's all a bunch of craziness!!! I've never had my heart broken like this before in my life! I don't understand alot of things!